I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
