Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
