Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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