got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
