Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
