at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
