East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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