I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
