is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
