I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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