DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
