Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
