I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
