Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
