So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
