absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
this is an emotional support booty call
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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