I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
