We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
