watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
