I need help removing her.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
