I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
