Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Operation Purity has been aborted
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
