The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
