so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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