Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you will always have a special place in my vag
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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