wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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