Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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