2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Randomize
