So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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