I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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