oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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