i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
