Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
