Do you still have your period?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
