Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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