The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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