My first STD was from a foam party
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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