I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
