We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
