U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
