Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
try to milk me bitch
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
