Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
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Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
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Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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