I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
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I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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