Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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