Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
