Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize