alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
