I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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