sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
