I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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