You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
