She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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