What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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