Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
