I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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