he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
