Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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