saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
