it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
